Raising Brad
Raising a gay kid didn’t bother Connye, but as Brad’s mother she dreaded the difficulties her son would face in life. The possibility of AIDS worried her. The reality of discrimination angered her. She mourned that her son might not ever have the American Dream life that all parents want for their children: a happy home, a constant love, an engaging career, friends and acceptance and family. Me, I was still oblivious enough to the cruelty...
Joplin, Missouri: Finding Adam
First, I should really apologize. I’ve been very neglectful both of my blog and my column here at Hivster. While I normally am obsessed with the news and with social justice in general, recent events have taken over my life and turned it upside down. You see, I’m in Joplin today, writing this column in a house just a block from the devastation caused by the EF-5 tornado that struck just weeks ago, cutting a swath of destruction through...
When I grow up; my absence from Hivster.
It’s 4am and I’m sitting on my friends Gary’s stoop in San Francisco smoking a cigarette. I couldn’t sleep and after three hours of just laying in the dark I decided I needed to get some stuff off my chest. The beginning’s pretty hard for me; I don’t really know where to start, but here goes. I’m a fuck-up, have been for a long time. Living that way messes everything up and just blends together into...
Offerings To The Needle And My Search For Normalcy
I met someone recently. This is not new. I’m notoriously wild for the men. I’m easily distracted, and nothing distracts me better than someone I’m sweet on. And boy, am I sweet for this guy. He’s terribly sexy, insanely smart, a hardworker, and charming almost to a fault. It’s rare that I meet someone in my hometown of Eugene that I find this attractive, and even rarer that person should return that attraction....
Jameson And Spokane: Two Things That Will Never Be The Same.
I was standing outside of a bar smoking a cig alone when a group of people passed me. I heard someone say, “Stop, that guy looks like he’s from Brooklyn.” In a town like Spokane, I guess that’s not something you pass by. They walked back towards me; we all introduced ourselves and decided to go in for a drink. Pabsts and Jamesons. Two or three rounds later, I was explaining to Michael that I had just returned from NYC for work and was actually...
Exposing Ourselves – A Year in the Life of (a) Hivster
I was diagnosed with HIV about a year ago. I remember the day I was called into my doctor’s office and the car ride with Mario, a close friend and Editor of Hivster.com. +
[Untitled] Running Up That Hill.
Telling Paul, my boyfriend, would prove to be the biggest hurdle I would have to jump. I thought telling my mom would be, but I promised myself that I would be brave and honest. I walked right out into the waiting room and I told her. Paul was in the bathroom at the time so it made it a little easier that I only had an audience of one. The words just fell out of my mouth. I could see the pain and shock register on her face but I held onto my guns...
[untitled] - how to reappear completely
As I walked down the hallway to the waiting room, the news felt like weights tied to my feet. Each step felt like an eternity. Memories of my past began to mix with an overwhelming sense of shame and disappointment. This inner turmoil was starting to eat me alive and I just wanted to wake up from this nightmare. Shame and disappointment are not uncommon to someone who has just tested positive. I felt this way for a number of reasons. Ashamed because...
[untitled] - how to disappear completely
I tested positive for HIV when I was 22 years old. I clearly remember the moment I was given the news. It literally felt as if the floor had fallen out from under me. My first response was disbelief. I wasn’t even sure if I had heard the doctor correctly. +
The Tattoo
The story behind the new tattoo on my right wrist. Sitting in the doctor’s office after class a few weeks ago, I had a sense of what was coming. I had blood drawn a week prior and got the call that my doctor needed to talk to me about the results of my blood work. +