By now, we’ve all heard of the “It Gets Better Project.” Just in case you live under a rock and aren’t aware of it, it’s a series of YouTube videos created and starring a variety of folks from LGBT celebrities, to straight allies, to random Joes like you and me with a simple message for those being bullied on the basis of their sexual orientation: just sit tight. Wait. When you get older, things will be better and you will be happier.

It’s a great project. Launched by Dan Savage, he reminisced in the aftermath of the suicides of gay youth such as Billy Lucas and Tyler Clementi that he wished during his high school years that someone had just said, “It gets better. High schoolers are cruel, but adulthood will bring you self-confidence, more peers, greater support.” Since its inception on September 21, 2010, more than 3,000 entries have been uploaded giving gay youth hope and helping them realize that suicide is not the solution to their problems.

Many of us, however, wish that the message were a bit stronger. At this time in our nation’s history, is it really enough to sit and wait for things to be better? Or should we take things into our own hands and make them better ourselves?

I’ve been bullied. What queer kid hasn’t? For me, it didn’t necessarily end in high school. I joined the Army, and while the majority of my “battle buddies” were supportive and tolerant, I ran into my own share of discrimination. The now-defunct Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell policy created an environment rife with anti-gay rhetoric and adult “bullying.” I was discharged under that policy, and I swore from then on that I wouldn’t bother hiding my sexuality anymore. It was a decision that I made to better my life, but it had unintended consequences.

If you live life openly and demonstrate to people what being gay is, as opposed to what people think it is, they understand more, they become more tolerant, and hey, life gets better.

I mean, shit, I’ve been a poster child for a lot of stuff to my peers- being gay, being a soldier, being HIV positive, being an addict- and I didn’t bother to hide any of it. As a coworker of mine affirmed when I told him I was HIV positive on my first day at my first job in Seattle, you do nothing to remove a stigma if you hide who and what you are. I know people who have told me that my ability to speak openly about my HIV, my addiction, or whatever the hell I was “soapboxing” on that week taught them something new and gave them a greater understanding of others who are in my position.

So I decided to take it a step further- and now I’m proud to say I’m a writer and activist and my life helps make it get better for others.

Do I think everyone can just up and be an activist? No, absolutely not. I’m sad to say that there are still places in America where living life as openly as I do can get someone hurt or killed. But I’m not the only one who does so, not by any means.

Take Caleb Laieski, for instance. At the tender age of 13, he was forced to leave high school due to the extreme bullying he was experiencing. Now working on his high school equivalency, at 15 he decided he was going to champion the cause of the other gay youth in Arizona state- and sent a strongly worded email to 5,000 school officials at every school in the state. His message?

Crack down on bullying, or he would take care of the problem himself and begin legal actions against the state to force positive change.

Is he waiting for it to get better? No, and neither are thousands of other activists nationwide.

We can’t! A new congress just got sworn in- and it looks grim for LGBT rights. We just don’t have the votes in our leadership to protect what progress we’ve made. We’ve got a fight against the larger “bullies” of political inaction and obstructionist tactics from social conservatives, and the only weapon we have is our voice. Our actions. If we want change, those of us that can, must make it better. I want to get married someday, and I’m not going to wait for others to make it better for me.

Yes, friends, it will get better. Bullies will never stop, not ever, not unless we stand up and say “I’m gay. I’m HIV positive. I’m fat. I’m a geek. And you can’t hurt me.”

Because they can’t. We won’t let them. We will make it better.

Ian Finkenbinder lives in Seattle and is even grumpier at his blog, oneangryqueer.blogspot.com