I was diagnosed with HIV about a year ago. I remember the day I was called into my doctor’s office and the car ride with Mario, a close friend and Editor of Hivster.com. The ride was tense speculating on what I think we both already knew. The tightness building up in my chest hurt and within an hour and a half our speculations were confirmed.

Seconds after leaving my doctor’s office, I looked into Mario’s eyes and he diverted his glance. He knew what I just learned. Looking up again, he saw me at one of the most devastating times in my life.

I broke down. And we cried.

I will always be grateful for Mario during those first few hours following that appointment, and the tremendous amount of work he’s done as our Editor.

As the initial shock wore off, I hoped to stay strong for my friends and family members who needed me, and I hope I gave them the appropriate time to grieve. I wasn’t and am still not fully over the diagnosis. It’s like the death of a loved one. You never recover fully. A piece of me died that day, and I’m constantly reminded of what hurt me so much.

The first two months consisted of many conversations that ranged from how long I had left, to suggestions of homeopathic treatments, to placating irrational, can-I-drink-out-of-this-cup fears (seriously), to the typical yet necessary teaching moments answering questions such as, “Can I catch it from this or from that?” and so forth and so on.

After all that was settled, the hard part began - letting myself grieve and come to terms with a disease I will have for the rest of my life.

Ultimately, I needed to escape and that’s what led me back into writing. I was given a chance to share my experience in an essay for BUTT magazine. The response and support from the story healed my battered heart, and from there on I set out to give others the same comfort that I was fortunate enough to have received.

A group of friends and a few people who commented on my piece from BUTT helped in the creation of Hivster.com and I am grateful to all of them for their highly professional, somewhat tiresome, unpaid work.

As I write this I’m wrapping up a three week promotional ‘tour’ for Hivster.com packed full of meetings with much promise with groups and organizations in Seattle and San Francisco. My New York tour is coming up soon with more cities soon to be added.

Hivster.com is connecting with some amazing people. We’re proud to be able to share others’ personal experiences with HIV and hope that by doing so we can help wash the stigma and shame away.

The last six months have given me the pleasure of meeting some inspirational people and building partnerships with really cool organizations, writers and designers. Everyone involved with the site has become a friend and I feel like Hivster’s mission is being met.

Namely, life is about fun, community, culture and health regardless of HIV status.

But my work continues, as does Hivster’s. We promise you another year of touching personal stories, celeb interviews, fashion and current and up-to-date prevention and awareness information.

Ultimately, Hivster is about sharing truths, our truths, no matter the discomfort, no matter the cost.

HIV won’t stop us from baring it all. Rather, it requires us to do so again.

We invite you to join Hivster.com as we continue to fulfilling our mission, everything dollar helps.*

*donations are not tax-deductible