Oh happy day!

Oh happy day!

Oh happy day!

When the gays were…

When the gays were…

Married in New York City (Oh happy day!)

Before I get going, can I get an “Amen!” for yesterday’s show of love? (Editor Note: Obviously this was posted on a very special day, July 25, 2011)

Now I know not all us queers are on board with the marriage agenda (I am on the fence about it…more on that at a later date), but I always like to see people happy, in love, and have their decades-long unions recognized by the state they live in. I mean, can you deny how awesome it is to see these people officially married?

And, of course, as we do, the gays came prepared.

Matching outfits.

Just married sashes.

Condoms.

Wait, condoms? Well, I don’t have photographic proof of that one, but you know someone had them on hand.

How about dental dams, though? Do you think the dykes had some stashed in back pockets and/or purses?

I could get used to that.

I’m going to take a wild guess and say NO.

So the other day I posted some Rules to Live By, and at the very end I talked about having safe sex. Then one of my readers, L, said something incredibly astute about lesbian culture. She said she doesn’t know any lesbians who actually use dental dams.

Then I responded, and so did Jiz Lee, arguably the most famous and sought-after genderqueer porn star in the business. (JIZ LEE! I had a serious fangirl moment.)

Courtesy: jizlee.com

And I was all, “BE SAFE! USE DENTAL DAMS!” And Jiz Lee was all, “Hey, everyone practices safe sex according to their comfort level and education.” And I was like, “Oh my god, she’s so right!”

What does that mean? Well, what it really means for me is that I’m not an expert at safe lesbian sex. Some of my lovers have been adamant about practicing safe sex, others have not. I’ve used dental dams, saran wrap, condoms, gloves, etc., but not with every girl, and certainly not every time.

I got to thinking…in this day and age, why is it that lesbians aren’t more careful about practicing safe sex? And a couple of things dawned on me.

Fuck me!

You know straight people, right? The ones with penises and vaginas that knock together? Well, when we’re all stuck in teenage hell together and haven’t figured our shit out, and are so horny we could scratch our own eyeballs out, many of us start fooling around. And most of us, hetero and homo alike, probably gave handjobs and went down on people without protection, right? And then as soon as the penis came near our vulvas, condoms flew out.

I think that’s because the lesbian missionary position involves hands and mouths, and since we’re conditioned by society to believe that it is naturally a kind of safe sex (at least in the heteronormative sex education curriculum we all learned), we don’t find it necessary to use barriers, which brings me back to what Jiz Lee said.

Courtesy: Maro Photography

We practice safe sex according to our comfort level and education. Damn right. There’s not a lot of education out there about safe sex for lesbians. It’s not like in middle school when you’re getting the whatfor about using condoms on penises. No one sat me down and said, “Now Lex, if you’re going to put your tongue on another girl’s ladyparts, make sure you use a barrier.”

A lot of us end up learning how to have safe lesbian sex WELL after the fact. And, some never do.

I learned how to have safe lesbian sex from a lover who insisted that we use barriers for everything, condoms on my fingers, condoms on toys (please, please do use them on shared toys!), dental dams for oral sex, etc. She also wanted us to compare notes on when the last time we had annual checkups and were tested for STDs. Girl was on top of that shit.

After her, I never slept with another girl again if I wasn’t sure she had been tested, knew how long it had been, and if she had had unprotected sex with anyone between testing and being with me.

Back to the sex…I think a lot of us worry that the experience of having sex will be diminished if we use a barrier. It’s the old, “Come on baby, don’t make me use a condom. I want to feeeel you.”

Let’s not be THAT guy, dykes.

So how does it feel? That depends…the thicker the latex, the less sensation either partner gets. Babeland sells some thin dental dams that do their job and allow a ton of sensation to pass through.

Black painter’s gloves are fucking fantastic. They make you feel like you are invincible. Lube those fuckers up and slide around inside her. Mmmm.

Courtesy: http://dontjustdreamit.tumblr.com

And, of course, condoms are found everywhere. If you share toys with multiple sexual partners, I highly recommend using condoms. To be honest, the shape and texture of most toys aren’t changed much by the condom. If you have a ribbed dildo, it stays ribbed. The penetration still feels deep and sensual.

Don’t take my word for it, here’s what Jiz Lee had to say about using barriers:“Personally, I’ve been so aroused by a dental dam pressed against me with a firm tongue, that I’ve ejaculated forcefully against the barrier. Yowza!”

And reader QueerAnne said this about using saran wrap as a makeshift dam, “It was SO HOTT to watch my lover rip off that piece of transparent film and stretch it across me before she satiated my desire for her.”

Oh jesus. Now I’m all hot and bothered. Excuse me while I track down Fox and some dental dams.
Origanally published on lezhavesex.com BY Lex Morgan:Lezhavesex is a blog for lesbians by a lesbian about what it means to have lasting, active, healthy sexual relationships between women.