Depressives vs. Alcoholics (and the bi-polars don’t count) pt. 3

III. I wake up to bright lights shining in my face. I see nurse Ratchet standing at the door. “C’mon, let’s go. PT in ten minutes.”  She states rather curtly. “What?” I question rather groggily. I rub my eyes and look out the window. It is dark outside. The soft round floods of orange beneath the outdoor lamps are barely enough to cut through the darkness. “What time... Read More

Depressives vs. Alcoholics (and the bi-polars don’t count) pt. 2

II. “I should have waited until Monday.” I mutter to myself while I stare out the window. I am not sure how much time has passed, but I can see soldiers heading home for the day. Shifts are over. “Must be 5 o’clock.” I continue muttering. This room is disturbingly quiet – except for the air conditioner’s motor and the loud click of the seconds hand on the mounted clock.... Read More

Depressives versus Alcoholics (Pt.1)

Who here has ever been ‘so bored you could just die?’  Raise your hand. Who here has ever spent time in a hospital Psych/o Ward?  Raise your hand. Who here has ever experienced the second question because they attempted the first?  Raise your hand. Well I have.  You see, almost 20 years ago while stationed in Fort Hood, Texas,  I attempted to take that faithful... Read More

Grindr

Lying next to someone can hold so much power. It’s truly baffling how something life changing can be lumped together with a summer fling, the body remembers. Times of devastation, like that early summer morning nearly a decade ago. I was on the floor with my mom as she died. Alone, I watched the life escape her body. And death returned last June when I was awakened to the... Read More

Jameson And Spokane: Two Things That Will Never Be The Same.

I was standing outside of a bar smoking a cig alone when a group of people passed me. I heard someone say, “Stop, that guy looks like he’s from Brooklyn.” In a town like Spokane, I guess that’s not something you pass by. They walked back towards me; we all introduced ourselves and decided to go in for a drink. Pabsts and Jamesons. Two or three rounds later, I was explaining... Read More

Happy Birthday, Mom.

I was sharing a bed with my mom for a few weeks, my dad switched with me because mom and I were both severely ill at the time. We both were getting IV morphine and nausea medication, along with TPN, which is a backpack filled with a milk-like nutrient substance. All of these medications attached to us via tubes connected to our port’s which were implanted beneath our skin... Read More

Hatred In God’s Name

Seeing it felt like a blow to my gut. My eyes immediately stung with tears, the kind that grip the corners of my eyes, refusing to fall. I came across it while researching the Internet for information on Matthew Shepard. There wavering on my screen was an image of Matthew Shepard’s disembodied face frozen in a sad expression engulfed in animated flames. The words jumped off... Read More

The Tattoo

The story behind the new tattoo on my right wrist. Sitting in the doctor’s office after class a few weeks ago, I had a sense of what was coming. I had blood drawn a week prior and got the call that my doctor needed to talk to me about the results of my blood work. Read More  Read More

Sometimes you have to tell yourself to STFU and move on.

Over the course of two years, most of my writing dealt with loss, addiction, depression and learning to cope with living with HIV. These are important issues and every piece published meant a lot for me. PersonallyI hopefully helped someone going through a similar situation and my pieces  fit our mission of  ”[Giving] voice to anyone living with or affected by HIV…... Read More

Mom.

The holiday’s always bring out the worst in me. At the worst times.  It’s 3:18am and I need to write. My mom passed away 12 years ago July at 37. Every year about this time I fall apart. Luckily, I have a place to get it all out, here. Christmas 1993, Connye, my mom gave me a journal so we could write each other.  I want.  No, I need to share it with whoever will... Read More